The Last Step in Healing From An Abusive Relationship May Be the Hardest
Healing from an abusive relationship is a journey. But figuring out how you got there in the first place can bring closure and a healthier future.
“I would never let someone treat me that way.”
That is one of the most unhelpful, and in fact harmful, statements someone can say to a survivor of abuse. It puts the blame on the survivor, as if they said, “Bring it on! Lie to me! Manipulate me! Grab me! And even gaslight me that it was my fault all along!” It says if they’d just been stronger, or smarter, or more like the person speaking, they could have avoided all that pain.
Research into the psychology of domestic abuse, also known as intimate partner violence or IPV which includes narcissistic abuse— the abusers, their victims, and the dynamic itself — has grown in recent years. And thankfully, so has open discussion about how people (most often, women and children) end up stuck in these cycles.
Maybe you stayed in an abusive relationship for decades or were in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. Or maybe that survivor is a friend or family member. Maybe you experienced people losing patience and saying things like, “Why won’t she leave him?” or “Why does she keep going back to him?” or “Why does she keep dating/marrying men like…
